a sixth sense cannot make up for a complete lack of common sense
the resident
-best known as May Ching-
-09/01/1990-
-19 years 1.2 months-
-mugger/slacker/writer-
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Wednesday, July 23, 2008, 8:18 pm
Okay. This blog post is going to be quite different from my usual posts.Hai, we finally resolved it today, although I feel like we might as well have not talked at all. I really wanted to say more, but I saw your face and decided it was not worth it.
I feel like one of those bloody funnels in Application of Differentiation questions, where the water is running out at a certain rate. But I'm totally empty inside, I don't know what I'm going to do now (but actually it's quite obvious).
I should stop being emo here on this blog, it's already quite black and gloomy enough without me having to add more unhappy words to it.
But before I stop, I want to do a partial 'merlion'. Delicate readers not used to gutter language should skip down the page.
Right now, I feel fucking angry and confused. I've never had anyone fuck with me like this before and I don't want to have it happen again. What the fuck are you trying to do? Until now, I think the logic is flawed.
You know what? I don't care anymore who reads this. Once it's posted on the Internet, it becomes public domain and the writer has to be prepared to stand by their words.
I am an emotional person. Therefore, I am entitled to a violent, one-sided opinion like this. I am only expressing my feelings now that I no longer care. Does that make sense?
Anyway, if you won't like what I've written here, you'll know about it sooner or later. Someone will certainly keep you fucking updated on how I'm feeling.
I am trapped within a web of my own making. This is all my fault. (And you agree.) A waste of time, a waste of effort, even a fucking waste of money. All for what? To have dirt in my face. And me being so fucking irrational and all. People have committed suicide for less because you see, people like me, it all goes straight to the heart, it overloads and they choose death as the fucking easy way out.
I refuse to resort to such desperate methods, man. Seriously. There are better things in life than this fucked-up crap.
So, I'll live. And I'll channel it all into my studies. And hopefully, I'll do well and close this chapter of my life for good. I can pretend it never happened, I can twist the details, I can do what I fucking want with it. Because I'll be fucking numb by then.
Ah, what am I saying? I'm wasting more time and effort again. Suan lah.
This is so freaking fucked up.
Well. Abrupt change of topic and mood here. Anyway, I was really depressed afterwards despite everything and went off to be emo. (My Angel, wherever you are, that's your cue for action. :))
Thanks so much, Max, for cheering me up with a grass jelly drink and your funny stories. :) You really cheered me up. I swear, I haven't been that happy in weeks.
Later on, crapped some more with Radha, Pui Yeng and Sing Suen. 08S05 is really a fun class.
We've started the Angel and Mortal game in my class. So far, Hui Shin's and Desmy's angels have sent them letters. I hope Jonathan's not my angel, sekali everybody receives something from their angels except me. :) Maybe Max's my angel. But he's already my lao gong so not much difference anyway. :D
Ran 2.4km today after school with Glennda. Freaking 18 min timing, I'm damn unfit and (dare I say) FAT. But the pain felt good. At the very least I can convince myself that I'm losing lipids.
Wah sian. I'm boring myself now.
Labels: emo