a sixth sense cannot make up for a complete lack of common sense
the resident
-best known as May Ching-
-09/01/1990-
-19 years 1.2 months-
-mugger/slacker/writer-
leave a note
leave
Layout: vehemency
Icon: reruntherace
Saturday, May 24, 2008, 11:10 pm
Back for (I think) my last round of blogging before I hop off for Pre-U Sem. These few days (almost a week) I have been very emo, angry and upset. It could be PMS, but I dunno. Freaking annoying.
I just had GP common test and Maths lecture test this week and I'm not happy. To add to my depression, I got back my progress report. If you can call it that. Not much progress has been made.
Good: I passed everything...
Bad: ...with 2 Es and a D for my H2s...
Ugly: ...and a C and D for GP and Lit respectively.
I want to kill myself can.
And all this does nothing for my social woes. This is what happens when you care about other people too much.
Even if you don't care about your grades, I do. As a friend who cares about you, I would happily scold you, except I have no right to do so since my grades are also pathetic. But yours makes mine look outstanding. Not to mention your attitude, which is simultaneously frustrating, hurtful and puzzling. What do you see me as? Lackey? PA? Accquaintance? Minion? Subordinate? Or are you trying to show me I was wrong? Make up your mind.
I have a love-hate relationship with my class as well. Sometimes I feel that if I had my way, they'd all be dead and I'd be in jail. Sometimes I can't help but burst with pride because I'm a member of 07S08. Sometimes I wish I was somewhere else. Bloody mood swings. But I believe we can pull through. Hold on for a few more months together. We can do this.
On a totally random note, I now own the best-dressed hanger in town. :) I put my formal shirt, tie and blazer together on the same hanger and it looks really smart.
Back to being emo.
I think I'm having some sort of a mid-life crisis: as in I'm starting to question what I've been doing last year until now as well as my beliefs. I went from all-out supporting SC to hating it to now, resenting my bitter encounters with them and being an open critic. Friendship wise, I also doubt the wisdom of maintaining certain friendships while terminating others. I also heartily regret jeopardising my relations with some people. I also regret being too caught up in leadership last year and not taking my studies seriously enough. Hell, the only thing I don't regret is joining Love Fiesta and Orientation 2 2007. It got me bitten by the leadership bug.
I have to confess here: not a day doesn't go by I don't think of how different my life would be if I had joined council. (I shouldn't have written that, this blog is more popular than it appears.) After all, it was only because of one sentence my sister said (inadverdently) which caused me to drop out of the race. Yes, it was that close. I was happy when SC stepped down, because they were the daily reminder of what I came so close to having, but lost. It was, in the early days, a virtual slap in the face. But I persevered. I forged my own path and got burnt, many many times. I cried on the inside a lot.
That's all water under the bridge now. But scars remain.
Thanks Grace and Cherie, for everything you've done, the long long talks, the words of comfort and reassurance. Grace, as my OG mate, we've been friends since like forever. :) Cherie, your randomness (you know what I mean) is refreshing and I'm glad you're my friend. :) Thanks, both of you, for putting up with me and my paranoia, insanity and mental instability.
Ah Ma, surprised to be addressed here? :D Thanks for everything la, and being a friend I can talk to. Together we must jia you for 'A' Levels, okay? I will not leave you in peace until you do well. XP