a sixth sense cannot make up for a complete lack of common sense
the resident
-best known as May Ching-
-09/01/1990-
-19 years 1.2 months-
-mugger/slacker/writer-
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Wednesday, January 14, 2009, 12:26 am
I feel so seriously fucked up.I just had to get the urge to continue watching Six Feet Under from where I left off quite a few weeks ago. For those who don't know, this HBO drama is about a family who run a funeral home and they have a real time trying to deal with their fucked-up lives while they do their jobs surrounded by death.
I was initially attracted to the show because of all the death. Somebody dies every episode in a creative way. But 2 seasons later, the show focuses on the relationships between the main characters and the people around them. And they spend the whole time talking about their feelings, how messed up, unhappy, angry, sad and confused they feel. Oh, and there's plenty of sex, both het and homo, strong language, graphic gore and a dash of violence.
So I finished watching the finale for season 3 about 15 minutes earlier and one of the characters got killed off. Naturally, I feel sad for them. But I also watched this Korean movie on Okto on Saturday night called Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter... And Spring Again, revolving around a monk and his master. That's all I could establish. The movie was fucking deep, with plenty of themes in it. Since it stars a monk, the themes should be Buddhist. So you got life and death, love and hate, anger and sadness, youth and age... all set against this floating temple in a valley with gorgeous natural scenery.
Both shows were ultimately depressing and made me think a lot. That is not good, not when I got too much to handle at this point of time in my life. I have issues, I won't deny it. But too much, too quickly and inevitably, you start to crack up. Like I am now, bloody going and blogging, the only sound in the goddamn house is the sound of the keyboard clacking.
In the past, I did talk to other people about my problems. It worked, but only for a while, and then they came back with a vengeance. Honestly, even as I type these words, I wonder why am I posting my whinging on cyberspace. It's not as though other people have problems and the entire weight of the world is on my shoulders. I mean, I'm a tough person. Even as I was dying inside, I'm proud to say that I sucked it in and kept up a happy face in public.
This has gone far enough. My life is seriously screwed up, even for a regular kid with issues. Heck, my life is like a fucking soap opera. And I hope I get to let the cracks show through a little. Maybe I could talk to somebody. But who can I talk to? I spent most of my time listening to other people's problems so I'd take my mind off my own and think, Hey, maybe my life's not that bad after all. Everybody got problems... Aw, screw this.
Ironically, life on the outside is going swimmingly: my writing is doing well, I got a job, I'm going to enrol in driving school, I'm going to go for Orientation soon... Don't it just suck?